Some people would call someone like me on father's day a deadbeat dad because for most of my children's lives I struggled to keep up with my child support forgetting my amount in arrears never got higher than $11k. While by most standards this is still rather high up in amount I did it while fighting Bipolar/PTSD/Depression/Borderline Personality Disorder not too mention the litany of other medical issues I suffer from as I struggled to find and keep work after the divorce.
I know I am a bad father even in my own eyes but it often upsets me when some talk about deadbeat dads like anyone who has ever gotten behind on child support or not seen their kids is one. For a long time I struggled to see my kids borrowing a car and the money for the 200 mile roundtrip even in winter time. I fought hard to keep my mind at bay for four hours with my kids and at times all I kept hearing was that they could do something with their Grandparents on my exes side if I wasn't there.
What struck me as odd about that was their Grandma who made the plans rarely tried to work around my visits to which I was entitled to by court order. But all that time I kept from saying anything till they got to a certain age in 2011 where I couldn't take them doing it anymore and had the order changed since they wouldn't stop and Grandma couldn't seem to avoid making plans on the ONE SUNDAY a month for FOUR HOURS.
The one thing I am quite most do not know is that during the entire time since the divorce as like before the marriage I have been struggling to keep myself from even attempting to harm myself anymore. I can live with my kids hating me I couldn't stand the idea of them being harmed any further if I had taken my own life or even had yet another failed attempt at it. It is hard enough for me to bear that the thought of them having to deal with it alone was enough to make me hate myself even more for thinking about it.
They may hate me for the rest of their lives despite being raised in a "Christian" household that apparently can forgive anyone but me for anything. I was always Bipolar enough to need to be supervised during Parenting Time but was never Bipolar enough to not be able to work. And of course now that I get a service-connected pension from the VA the only thing they want from me is of course Money.
I don't mind paying my fair share of child support but I cannot stand being described as a deadbeat daddy who is supposed to pay extra for school functions I am not allowed to attend or know anything about other than they need the money and expect some from me.
Not every Deadbeat Daddy/Father chooses to be that way.
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