For many years I cringe when Memorial Day comes because for me and many like me there is no such thing as “Happy Memorial Day.” We remember the many who were our brothers and sisters who paid the ultimate sacrifice serving our country in the military.
I still remember names scrolling down my TV screen in 1991 while sitting with friends who kept reminding me of what I had at home. Trying to get me to let go of the idea of going back into the military that no longer even wanted me around because of my mental illness that they said didn’t actually exist when they discharged me.
And since my discharge it has been a dangerous thing for people to say that to me because I never know how my mind will respond. I might attempt to fend it off but during the night I cannot keep the nightmares from taking over and creating a brain full of chaos in my mind during the day. Sometimes I am not even aware it starts but I sure know when it hits the tearing up button all too well. Every little heartbreaking memory hits me at once.
This can leave me for days if not weeks of tear filled days and nights I trying to stay awake for fear I will have memories that will only keep this going longer. I cannot easily bare the chaos as easily as I was mentally able to when I was a younger man. My body responds by higher blood pressures, fatigue draining me all day long till the dark of night comes to beckon me again to make another choice I don’t want to make.
Please keep this in mind when you decide to say to any Veteran, “Happy Memorial Day.”
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