Yesterday I did the Department of Veterans Affairs Talent Show for my entries into the National Creative Arts Festival for Veterans obviously. I haven't sang in front of a live audience with a band or choir in over 20 years now. I was a nervous wreck but once I got on stage thankfully my overly-sensitive body was gaining strength from the guys that were with me that weren't nervous and I settled down pretty well.
We rocked some Lynnrd Skynnrd, I sang a Garth Brooks song that I've been singing since I first heard it and after the show was over I got to jam with some truly talented musicians who were both supportive and helpful. It wasn't like back in the day when my own family might show up but then make fun of whatever I was doing. It felt so good to get some of my old life back from before the Bipolar took hold and I gave into pressure to stop doing what I wanted to do. Doing instead what everyone else said I should because I was so weak from the Tornado kicking my butt all the time.
And today I got in a ride on my new 150cc Scooter, my head is so clear right now I'm not blowing like the wind is outside my front door of MY Home.
If you know someone who is in their twenties and suffering from a mental illness feel free to use me as an example because despite all the medical & mental setbacks with a little help from the Dept. Of Veteran Affairs finally I'm doing it all on my own. I have a car, my own home and I'm not behind on my bills to this date. I was not expected to see 40 years of age with my health/mental health issues this year I turn 49!
I've been on welfare, I've been locked up in a locked ward for 30 days, I've lived in adult foster care before I know how hard it is to hold your head when it's one reason or another you feel like giving up. Hell, last week I was there again due to the stress over the live show. And I'm still here breathing, talking and trying very hard to let go of the guilt and shame to live my life.
Not a positive life but a life. Because as they often remind me there is no perfect life, you make the best of it you can trying everyday to find something be grateful for, something to strive for, something to love when you look in the mirror.
A mistake is not an end of your world, it's just a mistake.
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