Wednesday, December 30, 2015

I live in fear

I often get caught up in the living fear that someone I know or even someone I don't know who wants to mess up my world I am barely living does the one thing that should be unthinkable that I know is always possible...

They need only contact authorities with some claim I posted something online or said something to them and with my mental history I could be locked up till god knows when.  I was recently reminded of that fact while watching a TV show of all things.  I know it's fictional but the fact remains that because of my mental health and suicidal tendencies it wouldn't take much to tear apart everything I have worked so hard for since  2012 when I entered the inpatient program at the Battle Creek VAMC.

I know it can be hard to understand what appears to be an unrealistic fear but in my world it's not unrealistic it has actually happened before over something I said during an appointment for unrelated treatment.  My world spun out of control for nearly a week as I was "held" against my will only winding up getting out after certain concessions on my part including signing a voluntary treatment form dated for the day they put me into the hospital.

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