Yesterday for the first time in what often feels like a lifetime ago my vocal pipes were brought out of mothballs and let loose. And as always I was thrilled at the time but invariably by the next day I am living with a pain in my soul. The kind that can be hard to describe but maybe I can at the very least explain why it hurts so much.
When I graduated high school I had been singing in choirs/show choirs since I was 6 or 7 and singing in general since I was first able to talk. I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame you could say because just about everywhere I went whether alone or not I was at the very least humming away often to the dismay of friends & relatives. So when I graduated naturally I wanted to pursue a career in music but at the time the only way I could think of satisfying this desire was to attend college and so on.
I had one draw back in that, I was unable to sight read sheet music at the time and to be honest I can follow along pretty well but still can’t really read it and voice what I see. So I struggled to attain a degree in Music as I had hoped. Eventually giving up and going for a business degree that everyone thinks is going to lead to some major exec job somewhere but that didn’t happen either.
Because all along the way I lived with serious regret and my suicidal hate was a driving force back then particularly after I got out of the Army the way that I did. Oh and that was BEFORE college since I joined almost a year after graduating high school to pay for college in the first place. Which is where my suicidal hate began when the Army who takes care of their own except those with mental disorders in a time of peace especially because they can’t afford to keep someone with any weakness around.
I am babbling on as usual but my goal here is for you to share this one thing I’ve learned out of my lifetime, don’t give up on your dreams even if you have to modify them to meet your job needs, family needs, etc...
Because even if you only sing once a week in a church choir it is still letting you be you and holding back something inside of you that may mean all the difference in the world when it comes to mental health of anyone, not just those with Bipolar or Depression. Giving up a part of your soul can be devastating to your mental well being believe me I know exactly what I'm talking about. After I got my business degree I pretty much gave up singing anymore as I was struggling to keep me from attempting to kill myself, satisfying a spouse's needs or working to put food on the table for a wife and kids.
It's not easy I know but it can be worth it if you do it your whole life in some capacity not try to hide or diminish it to please others. Being the real you is important at an early age not just when you've reached the end of your life and realize all the regrets you have over what you could have done with your life.
Be happy you've earned it just by being here.
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