It was 0520 and I was moving along in my dream with no pain, no tears that is until I saw you. You were there shaking hands and we made eye contact, I was within moments of talking to you getting the answers I wasn’t able to get while you were alive and kicking. Then I woke up, I had to pee yet again, and when I got back into bed I was in tears...Because I couldn’t get back to sleep.
I keep seeing you on TV but it’s not the same as when I see you in my dreams. Where I get to talk to you, share my thoughts and fears. Where we can sit down have a drink and feel comfort from your company. Because as my Idol I never met, I live in the pain of knowing, we never met.
I had so much to ask you, so much to learn from you about how to harness the pain, the manic powers for good. How to keep some semblance of a positive relationship without imploding it each time I open my mouth. I to live a moderately happy life when I know in my heart my pain is so unbearable at times I don’t care if I don’t wake up.
But today I cared because for a moment I was so close to talk to you... I know no one else may ever understand how it hurts so badly, so deeply except maybe you...you who struggled with the same pain and made others laugh at a moments notice, hiding your pain deep inside.
No comments:
Post a Comment