Lately, I have been contemplating whether some people were right in the first place, I am a big ole pile of steaming...you get the idea. It's just the way things are going, I am able to pay my bills but there just feels like something is missing in my life. Maybe it's just a life itself.
After all, I have never really felt like I belonged anywhere past a certain age because once the doting adults saw me as an older child I was no longer that "Cute little kid." I became something of a lesser being in many people's eyes, the same people who used to ooh and aah over me.
As I got older I felt less and less of a connection and am fully aware that I often stare blankly at people but I don't know why I do it. I do know it unnerves some, irritates the hell out of others.
I don't do any of it for that reason at least not anymore there is no point is there? I learned long ago to hide most of who I really am and maybe after all these years its' why I hate myself so much. No one should have to hide for fear of retribution, humiliation or abuse.
I know what you might be thinking, "who gives a shit anyway what others might think of me?" Well if you ever have felt like you don't belong and need acceptance you'd understand otherwise like most you'd just give me that advice and move on...I can't do that.
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