I may have finally found the end of my road

As this week draws to a close I am yet one step closer to the possible end of my road as recently I went into the hospital for shortness of breath and lightheaded and found out that my kidney's are struggling along though sadly my heart appears unwillingly to give up just yet.  I have acquired an extra beat like so many men in my family have but still....

The VA wasn't thrilled that I hadn't gone to Urgent Care but as anyone within the VA system knows if you have a mental health background you are likely to be treated like you are having a mental health issue and less like a medical one.  I didn't want another trip to the mental ward because they acted prematurely to "air on the side of caution".  I didn't need to be on suicide watch I really wasn't feeling well but likely would have been treated differently had I gone there instead of showing up at a therapy group like I chose to do.

So I spent the night in a local hospital on oxygen with an IV in my arm to rehydrate me but it looks like this might not be helping as my body is expressing fluids faster than I appear to be able to drink them in.  They even took me off several of my blood pressure meds to help me along at least temporarily but they didn't sound too happy when they called the next day and I was experiencing similar symptoms still.  Reiterating the medications to stop taking although I had followed their medical advice and stopped them as requested.

So here I sit, Bike in the driveway unable to feel well enough to get my so needed therapy for fear I might become too dizzy to drive causing bodily harm to me or someone else.

Therapy on two wheels & a mini chopper...

I have ridden in the past and even purchased a 200cc scooter that I was uncomfortable riding so I sold it, but I bought this mini chopper and wham! it hit me like a rock...Awake and rolling down the road at 30 mph and I WAS AT PEACE~

I found acceptance on that little thing and I am so shocked at what it seemed to take to get even a tiny ounce of something I have always craved, even if it's only a low hand wave or nod from another "Biker".

I have been feeling brighter the past few days and the only thing I have done differently is get on that bike.  It might be a moped to everyone else, slow and annoying to everyone else but in that moment I really have found some kind of peace I have been wishing for for a very, very long time now.