Just don't do it

Don't even attempt to ask me to be happy that I am almost 50 years old this year.  I live with a demon inside my head that is manipulative, controlling and feels like a freaking roller coaster ride on a daily basis.

Over the years I have been told this or that about if I don't work harder to take care of my health.  They fail to understand that at times and that's more times than not after 20 plus years of the struggle I have just about resigned myself to the idea that dying a natural death while eating what I want and doing what I want just like my Great Uncles is the better way to go.  At least I am not stressing over how many calories I eat at each meal, am studying the clock figuring out how much time I have before I can eat again to keep on a diet without cheating...

As for the personality issues I am all too aware that some of my so-called closest friends make every attempt to avoid me when I arrive.  I know what I sound like and I know how hard it is to deal with me after all I have been divorced twice and if I could leave me somewhere and live a happier life don't you think I would have long since done that?  Of course I would.

So, just don't do it.  Don't tell me to freaking cheer up, think positively.  I have been spared death on several occasions in my entire lifetime all the way back to age 5 when I nearly went over the falls on the Baldwin River (my Dad jumped in just in time to snatch me before he wouldn't be able to)  and at times I am quite sure my family wished he hadn't.