Someday, maybe

Someday, maybe I might actually become more accepting of myself and less worried about what others think of me.  It drives me crazy when someone stares because they don't like the way I let my beard grow out or my Veteran hat.  I keep hearing from those who care to "Just ignore them" but if I could do that I wouldn't be the overly sensitive idiot I am today.

I stare in the mirror and want to shave it off but something is telling me inside that I should leave it alone to become my own man.  I know what it looks like but I can't shave it off and show my baby face anymore.  I want so badly to be treated for my real age and life experiences but I am often wrote off as some blow hard who knows only what he has seen on TV.  But I am 48 in two weeks and I lived in the 70's and 80's I know what I saw, what I experienced and shouldn't be penalized simply because I look younger than I am.

Too many people judge me based upon what they see and my immature nature which is often attributed to my hanging with older people when I was so young.  And the seemingly inability of my family to at times allow me to grow up and be an adult along side of them.  I know for many I am a constant reminder of what they lost when their fathers, my grandfathers passed away within my first two years of life.

I feel at times as if that is the reason why I was so often the butt of the jokes at holiday gatherings or the one they chose to torment on overnight stays at grandma's.  I only wish that someday before they or I pass on I hear an apology that I know isn't coming anytime soon.